Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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