I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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