he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
