Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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