Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
