i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
