from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
