Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
