The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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