Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
