So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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