Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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