Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
