You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
