So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
