Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Randomize
