Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
