That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Randomize
