I'm going to jail i love you
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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