Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
