DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
