I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I want a musical about memes.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
