Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
