I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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