if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize