he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
