Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
