Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
