My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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