im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
