I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
