Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
did i just pee glitter
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
