Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
