i wish my penis had a tongue
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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