There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
she peed on how many people?
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
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