too bad you live with your parents still
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
