this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
