My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
