Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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