My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
