wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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