I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
