For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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