I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize