I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
