4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
