Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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