Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
