4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
