Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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