I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
