I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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