the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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