Can i not drive my cunt home
I want to stick my p in your. b.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
