Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
