that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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