The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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