her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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