YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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