I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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