New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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