And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
