it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
