Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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