This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
