I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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