It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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