HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
