i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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