i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
