I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
