Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
