I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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