I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
