Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Please don't give away my fajitas
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
