Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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