I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
