the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
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