White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
