return my video game
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
