Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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